I’m not gonna lie…Monday started off flat out terrific. It was a gorgeous day outside. Dad let me out to play a few times and man, it was absolutely gorge outside. I found the spot in the yard where I am fairly sure another dog is taking his pees and poops. I smelled it and if you think I didn’t hike a leg with a middle finger in the air at the same time, then you don’t know Oscar. AT ALL. Anyway, I could go on about that all day, but I’ll just say I wish I could see the look on that prick’s face next time he comes around and tries hitting my spot. It could get really real! Moving on…
Mom got home at her normal time and I jumped around and got excited because well, that’s what I do. #doglife, am I right? You can’t see but I’m raising the roof pretty hard. Then, things got a little weird. I promised myself I wouldn’t get mad tonight and I would just be chill, stay away from the cervesa and just be cool. WRONG. When I get mad, I get my phone out and act like Lohan calling the paparazzi on herself.
Dad breaks out the trail mix, which I’ll be real, I kind of am getting fond of. You never know what you’re gonna get with each handful, unlike, my lame ass food that they pour in a bowl and make me eat like I’m a ….. well, nevermind. You know me, I start eyeballin the trail mix pretty hard. I mean, look at that! Can we say “daaayyyuuuuummm”? Yah!
So you know me. I act all cool, eyeballin Dad, eyeballin the bag. Eyeballin dad, eyeballin the bag. Can you believe that prick gave me a CASHEW? One cashew. I can’t make this up. So I get mad, and here we go. Dad triggers me, and I am off to the cervesas. I start hitting the Dos Equis, and I mean HARD. Don’t judge me. You are correct. I said Dos Equis. Just cause I am a chihuahua and I drink Dos Equis, don’t start getting all “well, that makes sense”. It is 2021, people. I better shut up. Getting canceled from my own blog would be humiliating. I digress….and I also move on.
Well, after pounding a few of those delicious liquid treats, I knew Dad would be coming to bed soon. So to make him pay attention to me, I take his side of the bed and place my butt right where he puts his head. It’s what I do. Remember, I’m a few brewskis in and I’m feeling fairly good about myself. Just to be a prick, I snapped a selfie, too. Please, you KNOW I did. BAM!
With him being more than 5 feet taller than me, he just picked me up and moved me. Wish I was big, just once. Drives me CRAZY! So fine… I got back to my cervesas and ended up getting LIT!!!! Enjoy the selfies I took. I’m just glad I didn’t send them to the labradoodle next door. #humiliating. I’m gonna feel this tomorrow for sure. I only have a 13 year life span. What am I doing? Anywho, back at ya tomorrow, kids. I broke my selfies down into phases for ya.
Phase 1
I’m starting to feel mighty fine. I goofed and threw my hand in front of my face, though. #fail LOL
Phase 2
Yeah, that’s more like it. Was still debating whether to send these to the neighbor dog or not. Ruff choices, ya know?
Phase 3
This is what I call “you’re drunk, go home” phase. Water for me tomorrow for sure. Not even gonna try to snag any more trail mix. I can’t do this 2 days in a row. Just can’t. Till next time, yo!
